


Being a Hero

by LaCacciatrice



Category: DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics), The Flash (Comics)
Genre: M/M, little things that makes barry allen the hero he never thought he could be, mostly barry's memories, no proofread, people and memories that remind barry allen what he is fighting for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 08:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11077710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaCacciatrice/pseuds/LaCacciatrice
Summary: Barry finds his will to keep fighting.Find me @lanthimo on tumblr





	Being a Hero

**Author's Note:**

> English is my 3rd language (maybe even 4th?) so bear with me. There is no better way of learing a lang than writing. I hope you don't mind me writing Halbarry fics along the way :)
> 
> This is basically a fic where Barry gets knocked out during a fight with Thawne and he remembers some of the most important things and people that give him a reason to fight while he's out.  
> This was supposed to be a 1k story, I really have no idea what I just wrote...

_"I don't know how you do it, Darryl. Going to work every day, not knowing if you will be able to make it home in one piece."_  

 _"Home extends past these four walls. Central City is our home, and it's my calling to help protect it. We all have to play our part."_  

 _"Well.. Sign me up for a desk job! You won't see me on the street, knocking heads with criminals."_  

_"Never say never, kid." **[1]**_

* * *

 

 _"I did the interview, Barry. I'm in. CIA can always use a man like you."_  

 _"I can't, Manny. You know me. I'm a scientist, not a_ ** _hero_** _."_  

 _"Stop selling yourself short, Barry." **[2]**_

* * *

 

**NORA ALLEN**

 

It's a warm May afternoon. Nora takes Barry from school and they go to grocery shopping together. Years later, Barry still wake up to a peaceful Saturday morning and enjoy going to market as takes a stroll down memory lane. This is one of those happy little memories that you carry in your hearts for years to come despite not feeling very significant in that moment. 

Nora lets Barry buy a comic book since he agreed to help her with grocery shopping. Even if there wasn't a prize at the end, Barry would still help her. He's a good kid like that. But Nora secretly loves that big smile that appears on Barry's cute little face every time Nora buys him a comic book. And as always, Barry starts reading it immediately and finishes even before reaching home. 

Barry reads the last words of his comic book before closing it with great excitement. As soon as his mother pulls her car into the driveway, Barry unbuckles his seat belt and jumps down. His mother smiles at his energy and slowly gets out of the car. Barry, being the good kid he is, opens rear door to help his mother with bags.  

As their carry bags to kitchen together, Barry keeps talking about Flash's latest adventures and how awesome he is. 

"..and then Flash punched them both in the face! Mom, it was awesome. He is a real hero." Nora takes last two bags from Barry's hands and put them on the kitchen island and bends down to look into her son's eyes. Their blue reflects Nora's own.  

"But that's not what makes Flash a hero, right?" Barry raises an eyebrow confusedly. 

"What do you mean? Of course it is! He beats bad guys and saves good people!" 

"And why is he doing this?" His mother asks again, patiently. Barry thinks for a second.  

"Because he wants to help and protect innocent people?" He says it like a question. His mother smiles and pushes his blond hair back with a caring touch. 

"Exactly! And why would he do that? Why wold he put himself in danger to save and protect others?" 

"Because he's a good guy." 

"Yes. And that's what makes him a hero. He doesn't do it to punch bad guys. He wants to protect innocent and good people. It's what's in your heart that makes you a hero, Barry." She leans forward to plant a kiss on his forehead. "And you just helped me to carry those bags." She points at the kitchen island over her shoulder. "Which means you are my personal hero. My little **Flash**." 

Nora doesn't know it then but her little speeches and advices always make a lasting impact on little Barry's mind and her ideals stay there for the rest of his life. After losing his mother, her words become even more important and Barry does everything in his power to honor his mother and be the person his mother would like him to be. 

Be her ~~little~~ Flash. 

Little Barry smiles at his mother who will **always** be his superhero.

 

 

**DARRYL FRYE**

 

Another car ride, not long since the last one. But things have changed. A lot. 

Darryl looks at the little boy sitting next to him quietly. He is too quiet for a kid, it's almost upsetting. He sighs and turns his gaze to the road.  Barry is leaning against the cold window of the car, blue eyes look out lifelessly. He must be tired. Kid didn’t sleep since he woke up to go to school yesterday. But when Darryl offered him to sleep in the back seat Barry refused to do so. Darryl never had any kids, he is good with them but he definitely doesn't know how to take care of one of them, especially one as damaged and broken as the one sitting next to him. 

But he will still try to do his best for Barry. For Nora. 

"Are you hungry, Barry? We can get something on the way home or we can wait until we get back home. I can make you dinner, I'm not the best cook but--" 

"No. Thank you." Barry's robotic, lifeless voice only makes him feel more worried. No one, especially not a kid, should go through something like this. 

"You know, Barry, it's okay to be afraid or sad." Darryl clears his throat. He is not good at giving speeches like this. He's been a cop for a long time but this is different. Giving bad news to people is always hard but it's another thing showing a kid, especially the son of someone you loved so dearly, the ugly face of life. "It's okay if you want cry. And if you don't feel like crying, that's okay, too. There is no right way to mourn." Barry stays quiet for a while, Darryl thinks he is failing and all his efforts are useless. But then he hears a soft, wet voice.  

"I will never see her again." Barry's voice is so soft so shaky that Darryl feels a need to pull over. He unbuckles his seat belt to turn toward Barry and look into his tears filled striking blue eye. 

"I am so sorry, kid." And he means it. Not only because he loved Nora but Barry deserves so much better than this. Darryl didn't actually know him before that night but Nora told him a lot about Barry. Darryl can still remember the pure love and admiration on her face. For Nora, Barry Allen was the most precious, most beautiful thing in the world. And Darryl can finally understand why.  

"Will I ever see my dad?" 

"Barry, I--" He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his thin hair. How do you tell a kid that his father murdered his own wife, mother of his child? "I don't know." Barry sniffs quietly. 

"What's going to happen to me?" 

"You will be staying with me." He says softly, praying Barry will be okay with it.  

"Until when?" 

"As long as you want." He reaches forward to touch Barry's fragile shoulder. "I won't let you go, Barry. If this is what you think."  Kid closes his eyes tightly, face screwing up as tears start running down his cheek. Darryl pulls him closer to his chest. It's a long way, long and hard, taking care of a damaged kid. But Darryl will do his best to protect him. So Nora can rest in peace, so that Barry can grow up to be the person he was supposed to be. "I won't leave you."    

 

**MANUEL LAGO**

 

"You know, Barry." Manuel says as he picks up a book about Chemical Biology from the floor. "When I called you to let you know that I'm in Sun City and ready to hang out, this wasn't what I had in my mind." 

"I'm sorry, Manny." Barry runs around to gather piles of paper. His finals week is coming closer day by day and calm, collected Barry Allen suddenly feels a bit upset. This is his first year in college but he knows he can't afford to fool around.  

"I really need to finish this, then we can go out for a drink." 

"Jeez, calm down, Barry. You will do amazing, like you always do." Manuel rolls his eyes because it's true. Barry fucking perfect Allen always gets the best grades, he is polite and smart and goo looking. Even Manuel's mother loves Barry. 

"You know I have a scholarship to protect, Manny. I hate asking for money from Darryl. I have to pay for my own classes which means I have to get good grades. I can't let him down." 

"You are being ridiculous. They wouldn’t cut your scholarship if you get a B. Come on, you're the smartest person I know, Barry. And I know what you did the other day. You are getting famous around here." Barry ducks his head, seeming embarrassed.  

"It was nothing. I was just passing by and landed a hand, that's all." 

"Barry, you are 19 and you already helped police to solve a case. A big one. You are on your way to make a name for yourself.." Barry shrugs and goes back to his work. He has never learned how to deal with compliments and attention. 

"I don't know I just want to do my best. For Darryl, for my father.. For my mother." 

"And you will. You will get offers from Wayne or Luthor as soon as you graduate." Barry doesn't look as excited as Manuel, not impressed by the names either. 

"I don’t really know what I want to do after I graduate."  

"Those cops would love to have you since most of their lab rats are boring, lazy assholes who want to be done with cases and move on to the next until they get their pay check." Manuel looks through the window of his dorm room. "Too bad, no one wants to do their job good now. Well, look a how much government pay them, can't really blame the guys for wanting to go after Wayne or other big guys in the industry. Who would want to work all day, seeing some gruesome shit and spend their days filling papers only to get quarter of what Luthor would pay, only for helping people?" Barry looks down at his desk where an application form and information paper with words 'double major' sitting.   

He mumbles to himself.  

"Who would indeed.." **[3]**

 

**HENRY ALLEN**

 

"I wasn't expecting to see you today, Barry." Henry realizes he sounds harsh and distant, his features soften immediately. "How are you doing? Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine, dad." Henry eyes his son carefully. Losing his mother when he was just a little boy and being separated from his father made Barry a bit distant and shy, rightly so. He went through some heavy shit and Henry can't blame him for feeling uncomfortable around his father after all these years. Especially if you consider that police believe this is the man who killed his mother. But strangely so, Barry never believed them. Not for a second. Instead he strongly defended his father. Maybe it was a little boy clinging desperately to only family he's left but no matter what the reason is, it always made Henry felt bad inside. Barry spent so many years defending his father, excluded and insulted for being a murderer's son. But he never was ashamed of who he was, never faltered. When Henry looks at his son, he sees a stranger sometimes. A strong, definitely better than him, stranger.  

But this discomfort doesn’t come from being close to Henry. Despite not being by his son as he grew up, he still knows his own son.  

"What's wrong? Darryl called me as soon as he found out you're awake. But I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon. Don't you need time to heal?" 

"Seriously, dad, I am fine." Barry does really look good and it breaks something in Henry. Something he's been holding for so long. 

"When I saw Darryl here and.." Henry takes a shaky breath. "I thought the worst. I thought I lost you, too." Barry looks at his father surprisedly. His father has never been a sentimental man. Even when Barry was a little kid, his father was distant compared to his mother's loud and clear love. Maybe this is what it does to a man who spent years in jail after being wrongfully charged, losing his wife and his son along the way. 

"Don't worry about me. I have never been better." 

"You look different." His eyes wander around Barry's face. He looks healthy and strong. There are no dark circles under his eyes that Henry was so used to see. "I have never seen you more.." He's looking for the right word desperately. "Alive." 

"Things have changed. I... have changed. I am not the same person I was before the coma." He looks down his hands thoughtfully. "I feel like my eyes opened, I feel like the emptiness in me that I haven't even realized that existed is filled for the first time in my life. I.. I feel like all my life I was waiting for this moment, like this was what I've always meant to be." He runs a shaky hand through his blond stands and looks up at his father, smiling behind teary eyes. "I'm sorry, dad. I must be confusing you. This wasn't my intention, it's just... I feel like myself finally, I don't feel trapped anymore." 

"So you are finally moving on?" Barry put his hand against the glass between them. 

"I have never lost my faith and hope in you. And I never will be. I will always fight to bring justice to you and mother--" 

""Barry--" Henry interrupts him tiredly but Barry continues with more power in his voice. More than Henry's ever heard from him.  

"But I will no longer live in the past. You were right, I became obsessed and missed the beauties in this world. I forgot to live my life. From now on, I will do my best to try to make a difference. For you, for everyone." Henry doesn't really get what Barry is trying to say. But his son has such an open, vulnerable yet hopeful expression that Henry's voice softens. 

"I hope you are happy." Barry gives him a genuine smile. 

"I am now." Henry thinks about the other man. The man who is still haunting his dreams sometimes and looks at his son with a grim expression. 

"And I hope what you'll find out will bring you bliss, not more pain." **[4]**

 

**IRIS WEST**

 

"Barry."Iris reaches forward to take her friend's hand in her smaller one. Her expression was similar to someone who is approaching a wounded animal. After all these years of friendship, Barry is still mesmerized by how good Iris is. She is smart, beautiful, talented, a damn good reporter and she always knows what to say. But now.. Now even she's at a loss for words. "Won't you talk to me, Barr?" 

"I.. I don't know what to say." 

"That's okay. Just.. Don't shut me out. Let me there for you." Iris squeezes his hand, wishing he would look at her. Barry seemed lost, he looked tired and broken. His hair was messy, skin paler than ever. His eyes were big and scared looking at the table between them. "You don't have to go through this alone." 

"I can't do this." He sounds so small so vulnerable as he whispers that it makes Iris feel powerless. 

"Yes, you can. You were doing before. You still can." She doesn't only try to encourage him, she actually believes he can. Iris West truly believes that Barry Allen is one of the strongest people on this planet. 

"It was before I know it's my fault." Iris feels like Eobard Thawne himself punched he in the stomach. She hates that man with her everything. That's the man who caused Barry to sit in front of her like this right now.  

"Oh, Barry. It's not." 

"But it's, Iris. I know it's."  Barry runs a shaky hand through his already messy hair, there's a crazy side to his moves. Like he doesn't actually know where he is or what he is doing. If Iris didn't know him so well, she would think he took something. "Thawne was there for me, he was after me. He wanted to kill me and when he couldn’t he killed her to get back at me. It was all because of the **Flash**." Iris looks around them uncomfortably. She knows Barry can't think clearly. He is always so careful to protect his secret identity. He's always been so calm and rational about everything. Suddenly seeing him throw all this away and carelessly talking about being Flash is upsetting. 

"Yes." She says strongly. She leans forward, trying to look into his eyes. "Yes, I am here because Flash saved me 2 years ago. Yes, all those people from yesterday's accident are still alive and with their families because of the Flash. Yes, this city feel safe and protected because of the Flash." 

"You know it's not--" 

"You are a hero, Barry." Barry runs his eyes away, looking around the small café with a pained expression.  

"I don't feel like one lately." Iris pulls his fingers softly to get his attention. 

"Come on," she almost begs, "don't do this to yourself." Her thumb caresses the skin of his right hand slowly, drawing comforting circles. "Your mother would be so proud of you, you know. You turned out to be such an amazing man. I never thought people like you could exist. But here I am, having coffee with you." She gives him one of her sweet smile, only reserved for people really close to her. It's so different from her 'reporter's smile' or professional, distant one. It's comforting an real. "You are kind, generous, loving and caring. You put your life on the line every day to protect the people you don't even know. And you don't do this for revenge, you don't try to hurt bad guys. You treat them with kindness as you save innocents."  Barry finally shows sign of hearing her and now that Iris started to get his attention, she's not planning to stop. "You are the best man I know, Barry Allen and I wo't sit here listening you blaming yourself. You don't give yourself enough credit for what you are doing and what you have done for this world." 

"I think you think too much of me." 

"I think you think so little of yourself. I wish you could see yourself the way I or Hal do." Hearing Hal's name brings back his fears. He runs his eyes again but doesn't pull his hands back.  

"I feel like I don't deserve your love." He says honestly.  

"You do. You deserve so much more than that. Don't let Thawne take this away from you." Barry feels a clold hand around his heart by only hearing _his_ name. "In the end, there will always be people waiting for you to come home." **[5]**

 

**HAL JORDAN**

 

Barry hates magic. Not only because it's hard to fight and very unpredictable but it can also mess up with your head. And that's exactly what's happening to Hal Jordan at the moment. 

Barry watches from a distance Hal falling onto his knees. Hands clutching his head, pulling brown hairs. He looks defeated as he starts whimpering due to what kind of magic clouding his mind. Barry's heart is shattered by the sight. He runs to Hal's side immediately.  

He hears Hal talking to himself, voice shaky and vulnerable. It's a very upsetting sight, seeing Hal being anything other than angry or cocky is unusual. At least for other Leaguers. Barry knows better. He knows what kind of scars and monsters Hal is hiding behind his cocky persona. 

"I let her down." He says painfully. "I let him down. I let everybody down. Because this is what I do. I will let Barry down, too. Another person who will be disappointed in me." Barry falls on his knees and reaches for Hal's hands desperately, trying to stop him from hurting himself.  

"You didn't let me down. And you won't. I know you, you would never." But Hal isn't listening him, he keeps talking to himself. 

"I have nothing. No one." Barry gives his hand a tight squeeze, hoping to get his attention. 

"You have me. I love you, Hal." He said this only once before during their 16 months of relationship. It's not like Barry is ashamed of how he feels. He loves Hal. But he was afraid of how Hal would react. Finally during a mission last month, Barry really believed he was going to die so one last thing he wanted to was confess his feelings. The truth is, it was really sappy and tearful but it turned out good considering that Barry is still alive and Hal was okay with Barry saying these words. "Look at me. Hal, look at me." Hal only whimpers in return. "I'm here. You have me. And you didn't lose. Because I'm here and when we have each other," Barry says determinedly, lacing their fingers together in the meantime, "when we work together, when we are together... there is no fight we cannot win, no obstacles we can't overcome." And no matter how silly it sounds, Barry believes it with his whole heart. Because when Hal is on his side, Barry feels invincible and If he is going to go down with Hal, then that's okay, too. 

"You and me.." Hal whispers, coming back to himself finally and looking down at their hands, clamped together.  

"Just you and me." Barry gives him his biggest, most genuine smile. Hal blinks a few times then, eyes focusing again.  

"Yes.. I have **hope**." Hal finally says, looking right into Barry's blue eyes, the colour of hope.  

Hal gives a tight squeeze to Barry's hand before pulling himself and Barry to their feet. There is a witch waiting her ass to be kicked by Hal. **[6]**  

 

**NOW**

 

Scarlet cladded hero lifts his head from the ground, shaky arms pushing his battered an bruised body up. Blood drops down from his split lower lip. His eyes land on the green figure. Hal. He is standing a couple of meters away from him, ring hand turned into a fist and face twisted into a snarl. Another figure, wearing an ugly combination of yellow and red, standing in front of him, looking ready to attack. 

When he sees Hal, it comes back at him. What he is fighting for, **who** he is fighting for. 

Gathering all his energy, Barry pushes himself forward. None of them sees him coming. His shoulder contacts with Thawne's back and throws him a couple of meters away from Hal. Barry doesn't wait, he doesn't hesitate this time. Before Thawne can get on his feet, Barry throws a kick to his ribs. Thawne falls on his side and Barry is immediately on him. 

"It's over, Thawne." Barry hisses between his teeth. "I am not a child anymore." He pulls Thawne's mask back to look his nightmares in the eye. "You can't scare me off."  He doesn't give Thawne a chance to attack, punching him in the face. "I will no longer be abused by you!" 

"You ruined my childhood." Another punch. "Stole everything that's every made me happy!" Thawne tries to push Barry off of himself but Barry presses his knee against his ribs. "I spent a life time being afraid of caring for people, keeping them at a safe distance because I thought I was going to lose them like I lost my mom and dad." He punches Thawne again, breaking his nose. "Not anymore!" 

"You made me believe it was my fault." Barry's vision gets blurred with unshed tears and rage. "That I deserved to be lonely. That people close to me would get hurt or leave at the end."       

"If I learned something during all these years, it's how to deal with fears." Thawne can barely keeps his eyes open. "You can't run away from them." Barry raises his hand for one last punch. Speed Force runs through his veins, giving him strength. "Sometimes you just have to punch them in the face!" 

His fist contacts with Professor Zoom's face and then it's over.  

Thawne lies on the floor like a rag doll, blood leaking from broken nose an split lips. Injuries similar to Barry's. He's passed out but Speed Force is still wild in Barry's chest, he looks down at Thawne's closed eyes and barely stops himself from punching him again. 

"Barry.." He comes back to himself with Hal's soft voice next to him. Before Barry can turn toward him, Hal's arms wrap around him and pulls him away from Thawne's body. Barry can't do or say anything, just stays still in Hal's arms. All the rage and anger and pain leaving his body all of a sudden. He feels numb. Hal buries his nose in Barry's hair, whispering. 

"It's over, Barry. It's over. It's over." Hal's voice breaks something in him. Numbness replaced by sweet relief and years of pain's remnants. 

"You're free." Barry's slim long fingers wrap around Hal's arm, his back pressed against Hal's chest as a sob escapes between his lips. Then another. And another. He lowers his head forward and Hal presses soft kisses to his neck. 

Deep down Barry knows it's never over with Thawne.  

But for now, he believes Hal. 

He always believes Hal.

**Author's Note:**

> [1] Flash Comics (2011) v4 issue 13  
> [2] Flash Comics (2011) v4 issue 4  
> [3] Dialogues and Barry's friend changed in this story but the main idea comes from The Life Story of the Flash (where Barry's mother was still alive and the reason he chose forensics is because he discovered he's good at it and he simply wanted to help people)  
> [4] Eobard fucking Thawne since Barry's father kinda knows him in Nu52 (he knew Thawne killed Nora despite not knowing what or who he really is)  
> [5] Inspired by Flash: Rebirth (2008)  
> [6] Barry is a honorary member of Blue Lantern Corps
> 
> I have never believed that Eobard actually is a motivation for Barry despite playing god in his life for the most of his life. Barry is a hero beause he is a good person. With or without Eobard's sick games, Barry would always be a hero. Simple as that. 
> 
> Lastly, give Barry a hug and tell him how good he is. He deserves this.


End file.
